I fight with wounded mind and shattered confidence. Am I armed enough?
There are some people to whom things just come naturally and with such easy that they just laugh it off when others like me have to put their heart soul time energy and everything else available to invest.
This is exactly what has been happening lately at work.
After investing almost 12 hours a day into work I have to end the day explaining why things are taking time.. why I missed out something (which till a few hours back wasn’t even worth a distant thought) that is soo important.
This is exactly the point when self doubt begins to make in roads and hammers your confidence soo hard that you are left disoriented. On most occasions I begin to look for a pillar to hide or a pillow to sink myself in and cry.
Does having a professional degree mean you should know everything. Well I have no shame in accepting that I falter with the basics more often than not. The questions and stares coming your way at such times makes your mind wander with thoughts of why did I even study soo hard.? To face this on a daily basis. CERTAINLY NOT
And as far as I am concerned I believe I am putting in my best foot forward in whatever I do. Maybe my footwork is wrong somewhere or I can play down all of this and blame it on luck
For a lot of people going to work is exciting, which was the case with me a few weeks back. But these days I step into office with heavy legs(the laptop bag only adds to the weight) and feeling of self doubt. There have been times when I have accepted mistakes even thought I hadn’t made them.
Till today I have convinced myself saying that there is some hidden treasure in every suffering. But now I wonder if the treasure even exists or is it even worth pacifying myself with such thoughts?